Hz eats alone
Sometimes, like especially when Ez is off jet-setting, a hot dog doctor must bravely stride into the uncharted territory of the solo mission. It’s no big deal, really, except it can be boring. Hz found herself in this situation last Thursday, when she had some time to kill and had a belly void of hotdogs, and Ez was not around. So she went to the NE Bulldog and grabbed a table in the corner, read The Onion, and avoided eye-contact with the other patrons. She’s not shy when she’s with Ez, but sometimes when she’s alone, she kinda is! The solution: alcohol. Hz ordered a fancy European beer the second the waitress came over. The waitress was like, “Hi.” and Hz goes, “Give me a beer. I am afraid.”
kind of bored
Dr. Scholls is for suckers
Titanic! Ha ha! That was a dumb movie.
Hz took pictures of herself to try to be not bored. It only helped for a second.
Hz bored feet.
Bored! Sooo bored!
Oh, my god! Dying of boredom!
But then Hz read the menu, and her outlook improved! She found a WHOLE SECTION of hot dogs, which is rather to-be-expected-ey, since this bar is called the BullDOG. And the last half of that word is DOG, and the last half of the word hotdog is DOG too. So Hz wasn’t dying of shock or anything…
Dogs for Sale!
Hz ordered a Venezulan (sic) dog, and things REALLY looked up. Everything else on the menu she had tried before, because it was like chili dogs and chicago styles and stuff, but this Venezulan (sic) dog really looked like it was gonna be something else! It had onions, cabbage, mustard, ketchup, mayo and -check it- CRUSHED POTATO CHIPS. Holla!
When no one else will love you, food will.
And hey! America’s Funniest Home Videos was on the television, which is maybe the best tv show ever made. It’s not even really made by TV people, it’s made by Americans.
AFHV. Haha! That show is hilarious!
Speaking of being American, while Hz was at the Bulldog working on the Hot Dog Blog, “Kids in America” came on the radio. That song is so rad.
And the dog went down fast. Hz didn’t have anyone to talk to, so she only used her mouth for eating.
First bite.
Second bite!
Gone in two bites!
So then Hz had to wash that dog down with some more beers. The beer at the Bulldog tastes super good! And remember, there were crushed potato chips on that hot dog, so things were getting salty in Hz’ mouth. She had to pound beers, she had no other recourse!
Dg wash!
That’s when things really started picking up. And simultaneously going downhill, in a way…
more beers
Getting silly and blurry!
Hz made friends with the waitress! And by that, we mean Hz asked if they could take a picture together, and the nice waitress said yes.
Making friends!
After she got done eating, and drinking 14 beers, she inquired with her new friend about the cupcake sitch. She was stoked that they had some Red Velvet cupcakes with raspberry filling inside. She was like, “All take wunna those cubgags!”
Hz got dessert!
When it was time to go, Hz was REALLY blurry and drunky. So she had a little wander around Northeast Minneapolis! Just to check things out!
Oopsies, a little tipsy!
Hz has a little rest.
Back up and at 'em!
In the Surdyk’s parking lot, Hz tried to make another friend. But he wasn’t having it. Aaaawkward!
Hey, you! Let's be friends!
Finally, Hz wandered up to Super America, but not the same Super America that she and Ez went to with Lt. Brn-N-Srv in mission two. When she got there, she thought it may be a great idea to see if there were any treasures in the dumpster!
Anything good?
Hey, what's that?
Hz found a Lamborghini poster! Framed! What? That’s incredible!
Holy crap. Really?
And it was the end to a perfect day.
Htdgs + dmpstr dvg = pleasure!
Lessons Learned:
- Sometimes it’s super fun to eat a hot dog by yourself, but you have to have a good attitude about it.
- Potato chips on hot dogs are incredibly good.
- If you’re feeling grumpy, have a cupcake!
- If you need a Lamborghini poster, check in the dumpster.
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This Really Happened Friday Night, But Then We Had To Sleep All Day.
Ever since that night at Chris and Rob’s Hz and Ez have been TOTALLY FREAKING OUT and making plans for future hot dog times and places (oh, and our list is loooong). Our next stop was scheduled to be the Are You Local? SXSW send-off at First Avenue because Hz spotted a tiny hot dog on the flyer. We got the Hot Dog Street Force involved and excited, but Friday night was so totally outta sight that we have to tell!
So, we went to a bunch of parties with Lz, Nz, Paul D and Johnnycakes, who requests that we refer to him from now on as Lt. Brown ‘n Serve.
Lt. Brown-n-Serve, formerly known as Johnnycakes
Anyway, it was all super-fun. We went to an opening a Spot Art where there were these great pieces made up of those strips from letter punching guns and everybody got to try it, too!
Hz, fastest gun in NE
That Is Jive
Also there was a really sweet dog (not a hot dog, a real dog) at this party and a cool band. And Hz was so stoked because she saw her tenant, Hot Joel there. Cuz he lives right upstairs from her, but she still never sees him. Totally weird! And then it was time to go to Now or Never.
This party was extra-choice! There was a bonfire and huge tube encasing Lt. Brn-n-Srv that was kinda telling of the night to come!
Lt. Brn-n-Srv is totally tubular!
Everybody was dancing and this was the first time in the night that Hz channeled Miss Prissy to show us all some fine krump!
Here’s the second time Miss Prissy graced us:
So now it’s like 2 in the morning and we take Lz and Nz home. Ez, Hz and Brn-n-Srv are totally hungry when we pass the SA on Lyndale avenue and 22nd street. Brn-n-Srv got nostalgic about the time he lived next door to this Super America and he could walk on over for dogs ALL THE TIME! We were kinda tired but Brn-n-Srv told us of his total hot dog commitment. Like, let’s say Brn-n-Srv wasn’t allowed to sleep for like 8 days, and then finally he got to, and he had just fallen asleep and you were to wake him up to ask if he wanted a hot dog, you know what he’d say? You know what he’d say! He’d say YES! Of course! So, that’s IT, we’re going in.
You should have seen the traffic in that SA! It seemed like the perfect time for a hot dog because the fast turn over would guarantee freshness, right? KIND OF! Now, it makes sense that when there is a run on hot dogs it’s hard to keep a bun warmer stocked, so we were a little worried as we started building up our dogs.
Not the best start.
But we chose to believe!
Brn-n-Srv + Hz + Dz
Ez selects her Dg
They have a pretty nice selection of self-serve toppings at SA. You got all your expecteds: your ketchup and mustard, onions, pickle relish, but then there is a two-sided dispenser-robot, half for chili and the other half for cheese!
Hey Hz! Mustard like you mean it!
We were working the dog station with another enthusiast and he was awesome! You know, he’d done this before and wanted to help. We couldn’t tell if the relish was made from dill or sweet pickles so we just asked him! He said “it’s whatever you want it to be,” which we found super inspiring. Ez hoped hard that it would be dill. Our man continued to coach us on our cheese and chili dispense. Coach said, “Hold the button down!”.
Please respect his privacy.
Hold that cz button down!
Coach was really serious about this! He said, “Just hold it! Hold it and it will drop, drop, drop!” We all tried. Brn-n-Srv went first, then Ez, then Hz and it seemed like each one of us was worse at it than the last! Hz got NOT ONE DROP! Coach was getting a little disgusted with us, and just wanted us to clear out of his way. But guess what – IT WAS TOTALLY EMPTY! We already said it was busy in there. Dear Coach had been advising us while we took the last of the supplies, just drained it dry. That guy was really supreme!
Check this yellow work:
Oh, Behold!
So we roll out with our custom dogs. Ez only lives about less than a mile away and she’s got exactly 3 beers in-house, right? We really wanted to save up and do right by our creations, not just take them down in the car. So they sit on our laps and we wait…
Wow, this anticipation HURTS! Hz is driving, so for a minute Brn-n-Srv and Ez are tied for it’s the hardest. Then Brn-n-Srv describes his pain for us a little. He said, for him it’s like he was holding Loni Anderson‘s lush and full bosom in his hands but is not allowed a kiss. He might have been more descriptive than that (he really was), but the point is that these were difficult minutes.
Brn-n-Srv = HtDg inspctr
At last, we make it to Ez’, AT LAST! The dogs lost a little of their luster en route so we warmed them in the microwave just a little, not too much.
Brn-n-Srv shows that htdg who's boss!
And it’s ON!
Ez self portrait- First Bite.
Picture of Hz self portrait- First Bite.
Brn-n-Srv first bite
Well, there might be someone more optimistic than your Hot Dog Doctors, but there really might not be. Having said that, even doctors can doubt, and the complete deliciousness of these dogs felt like a present, BIG TIME! So we thank you for this consultation and we strongly recommend taking the SA hot dog bar, as often as needed, for any reason!
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