Rod Carew is more awes than we thought.
Holy crap.
The Hot Dog Doctors just realized that there is another reason to adore the famous Jewish, black, baseball-playing Rod Carew. BECAUSE OF THE BEASTIE BOYS! In the 1994 song “Sure Shot” the Beasties say…
Pull up at the function and you know I Kojak
To all the party people that are on my Bozak
I’ve got more action than my man John Woo
And I’ve got mad hits like i was Rod Carew
Jewish, black and MAD SEXY!
So, in our post, Yo, Twins Homo-pener, Sprtz Fnz!, when we couldn’t think of anything more awesome to say about Rod Carew than, “Jew! Black! Yesss!” we were SO WRONG! And yes, being Jewish and/or Black is totally awes, but being in Sure Shot is, like, UBZ AWES!
Witness (at the 0:59 mark)
Have a rad Memorial Day weekend. Eat a shitload of hotdogs, yo.
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Too much, the Magic Bus!
A few of you who stalk us constantly on Facebook prolly already know this, but a couple of weeks ago, the Impossibly Handsome Al Weiers invited the Hot Dog Doctors to dine at the Magic Bus Cafe. And we were like, There is nothing about the words MAGIC, BUS, and CAFE that we don’t like. So we made a date.
Get in the car, you little Hellions!
We picked up The Impossibly Handsome Al Weiers, and were headed to the Midtown Market, because we thought that the Midtown Farmers Market and the Midtown Market were the same thing. They are not, so we went to the wrong place first, which is typical for the Hot Dog Doctors. We are very good dog-eaters, and we are very bad dog-finders.
This is not where it was.
But we finally figured it out by looking it up on the computer-phone and we got there a few minutes later. It turned out that we had driven right past it after picking up the Impossibly Handsome Al Weiers, but we were so excited talking about how the Midown Market used to be Sears that we didn’t notice. You heard us, we didn’t notice the huge purple school bus parked right next to the road. Don’t hate.
See? It's right there!
When we stepped up to the bus, it was like love at first sight!
Our hostesses, the Twin Hot Dog Hippy Fairies: Chrissy and Cathy
Chrissy and Cathy were there, and The Impossibly Handsome Al Weiers is already freinds with them, so we were treated like Hippy Hot Dog ROYALTY! At first we thought that this was because we are very famous hot dog journalists, but then they were super nice to everyone, so that’s when we figured out that they are just super, SUPER nice. That’s probably better for business, anyway. And we MIGHT still be famous. It’s just really hard to tell when you’re around nice people.1
We had such a hard time deciding what to eat for two reasons:
- There are so many good things to choose from
- The inside of the magic bus is very distracting, with lot’s of colorful stickers.2
some stickers!
More stickers! (they were really everywhere.)
Stickers above the mirror!
What used to be 50 cents? We don't know!
Even the menus were totally cute.
It was really hard to decide, but our friend Jenn recommended the Soulshine Dog which had sauerkraut, bacon and brown mustard. So we knew we had to get that FOR SURE.
We also got a Grateful Dog, because we were in a hippy bus, and it seemed appropriately reverent of the late Gerry Garcia (SUPER HIPPY!). The Grateful Dog has totally yummy mango relish on it.
Our third choice of dog was a Mexicali dog, which has spicy relish with sliced jalapeno in it and some shredded cojack cheese. We also kind of wanted to try the chili dog, but we eat chili dogs all the time. I know. Poor us: work, work, work!
Here they are! We cut them in half and traded, so we made Frankenstein monster dogs.
Ez' frankenstein dog: half Mexicali Dog / half Soulshine Dog
Hz had half of a Grateful Dog and half a Soulshine Dog
The Impossibly Handsome Al Weiers had half of a Mexicali Dog and half of a Grateful Dog
First bite!
Pretty soon, we heard a sweet Steely Dan tune come on! This bus was outta sight! Hz used to get in trouble from her old roommate when she’d play Steely Dan. Boo!
Did you know that you can put yeast on food? We didn’t. Chrissy told us to, and we put nutritious yeast on our hot dogs and it tasted great. Hippies do the weirdest things, but then it always turns out cool. Like hootenannies, eating peyote buttons and being naked.
Sure, we'd love some nutritional yeast!
Then Chrissy and Cathy gave us some popcorn! They make it out of white popcorn and yellow popcorn mixed together. They’re all like, “Hey man, what’s the hassle? You don’t have to separate the white corn from the yellow corn! Can’t we all just live in harmony?” And the answer is yes. Delicious, nutritious harmony.
delicious popcorn.
Hz kind of made a mess.
Close up of salsa-smear.
This is what Hz does when she wants to bug the shit out of Ez.
After we ate, we got to run around and play on the bus. When you’re a serious journalist, people let you do whatever you want.
Hz got a nose smear on the window, and they didn't get mad.
Climb aboard!
The Impossibly Handsome Al Weiers and Hz give it to 'em in the order-hole.
Hi. Ez is totally inconspicuous.
After eating, the Hot Dog Doctors and The Impossibly Handsome Al Weiers had a wander around the Farmer’s Market. Hz finds farmer’s markets pleasant because she takes a little vacation from her acerbic, punk rock personality, and pretends she’s a gay man who lives in the Hamptons and owns a little garden shop, and whose “better half” works as an interior designer in the city.
Gay for the day!
On our way out, we noticed this sign that told what all the cuts of beef are.
This is where hot dogs come from.
Lessons:
1. Make sure you don’t go to the Midtown Market if you’re trying to find the Midtown Farmer’s Market.
2. If you’re a famous person, you’ll find that people who aren’t usually nice will be nice to you for no reason.
3. Yeast isn’t just for science experiments in your vagina. It’s also totally yummy, and good for you! Try it on a hot dog!
4. It would be fun to be a rich gay man who lives in the Hamptons.
5. Hot dogs are “other” meat.
FOOTNOTES
1. The logic being: one indicator of fame is uncharacteristic kindness. It made sense to us. go back
2. Ez, Hz and The Impossibly Handsome Al Weiers had fun looking at all of the stickers. Ez and Hz have a crush on Mick Jagger, and there was a REALLY good sticker of him in there. We didn’t take a picture of it! Rats! go back
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Hz was rescued by a rock star!
A coupla weekends ago, Hz got to go with her friend Mary Ellyn and some other folks to Coachella, in California! She was super excited to see a bunch of great bands, and eat some quality dogs. She was very ambitious with the band-watching, but not with the dog-eating. She ended up eating tacos and potato chips most of the time, unfortch.
Mary Ellyn and Hz at Coachella. Keep movin', folks. No htdgs to see here!
Anyway, the day after the festival, Hz went to the airport only to discover that she booked her return flight for a week later than she needed it. After finding out that changing to a different flight from Palm Springs would cost $950, she decided to book a flight from Los Angeles instead and try to hitchhike over there.
Hz found a ticket on the red eye for later that night that only cost $320, but still needed a lift to the Los Angeles airport, which California celebrities have nicknamed, “LAX”, and that is about a two-hour drive. Also, she didn’t know very many LA folks that were at Coachella, and certainly didn’t want to bother anyone. Luckily, she had been text-messaging that morning with a very important LA dude, whom we shall nickname, “HrMrSprstr.”
And wow, what a great guy! He arrived at the airport in his fly hoopty in, like, 60 minutes! And Hz hopped in, and off they went!
Westward, Ho!
Hz had a long talk with her rescuer. Mostly this talk involved her explaining the wonders of hot dogs. How much fun they are to eat, how much fun they are when you take pictures of them, and especially how much fun it is when she and Ez write about them and their friends tell them that they are funny all the time. (How Ez and Hz are funny, not how hot dogs are funny. But hot dogs are funny, too.)
And HrMrSprstr was WAY into it! And Hz didn’t think he was just being polite, because he had a MILLION great ideas for future missions, such as handing them out for free at his shows. And also, he didn’t have to be polite anyway, because Hz was the one who should be kissing ass, since he was so nice and gave her a ride to LA.
So after they got to LA, do you know what Hz and HrMrSprstr did? Yes, you do! They went out for a hot dog! HrMrSprstr knew of a very famous hot dog place called Pinks, and he wanted to take her there! For a power lunch!
This Pink’s place was rather incredible. They had so many people in line for a hot dog, they had to put ropes out on the sidewalk for crowd control. But it didn’t matter how many ropes were there, it was gonna be real tough for Hz to control herself. For SURE!
Pink's was heaving with Pink's fnz!
As they wound through the ropes, Hz and HrMrSprstr were totally laughing at all of the funny signs for hot dogs you could buy.
The Ozzy Spicy Dog!
America the Beautiful Dog!
Lord of the Rings Dog!
Hz noticed that there was a hotdog with coleslaw on it, which sounded verrrrrry intriguing, so she totally got that. It was great! HrMrSprstr got something with loads of chili.
HrMrSprstr orders there!
And we got chili on our fries.
Hard at work!
The wreckage
After Hz and HrMrSprstr ate, they wanted to die. But seriously, they had been partying in the hot sun at Coachella all weekend, so it might not have only been because they were so, soooo full. They might have just been sun-burnt and hung over. Or, yeah, they might have overeaten.
Full.
Sooo full.
After this, HrMrSprstr took Hz to a nice bar called Malo, where they had some Tecate and talked with some friends. Then off to the LAX airport, so Hz could take the redeye home!
Safe and sound!
Lessons learned:
1. When you’re buying a plane ticket always check the date on your computer for when you’re flying home, in case you might have picked the wrong day.
2. If you DO buy a ticket for the wrong day, ask a rock star for help.
3. If you buy a ticket for the wrong day, and a rock star is going to help you, go to Pink’s for a hot dog, but don’t eat so much you feel like dying.
4. Coleslaw on a hotdog tastes good.
THE
END
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