The Day the Doctors Almost Died (not really)

We had high hopes for Saturday’s mission- Big Plans. Paul D agreed to take the MDz and Brn-n-Srv to the scrap yard! Sickety-SICK! We were going to fortify with a solid bacon breakfast at Hz’ to get us through the pre-dog heavy lifting, but when PD called the yard for scrapping hours the lady was totally like, “We’ll close at 11:15 or earlier if we feel like it.” Wha–?! How do you like that? Well, Ez was still fast asleep at 10:40. No time to nice around, we got up and at it!

Stepping into the cool morning, was it just the confusing late March Minnesota weather that sent the chill through your doctors, or was there something more sinister at hand? Brn-n-Srv, thinking he saw something shiny, reached down and picked up a SKULL!

An ominous start?

An ominous start?

We left from Hz’ house in 2 cars, PD’s loaded with scrap and Brn-n-Srv at the wheel of his friend’s car. Brn-n-Srv musta been drunk with power from  being in a borrowed All Wheel Drive Subaru, or something, because when he was leading the way to the freeway he kept going off-road! Brn-n-Srv, are you a crazy person, or what?

Oh my!

Oh my!

OH NO!

OH NO!

Oh good!

Oh good!

Brn-n-Srv, What the HECK?!!

Brn-n-Srv, What the HECK?!!

With just minutes before gate closing, PD honked and Ez tried to speed dial Hz as Brn-n-Srv sped past Kirschbaum-Krupp Metal Recycling.

Right! Take a right!

Right! Take a right!

It was close, but we made it! PD told us that there are 1,200 privately owned scrap yards in the USA. Last summer Old Sheet Aluminum was selling high at 78 cents per pound and scrappers were living rich for a while, but then prices plummeted. Fall 2008 saw aluminum prices as low as 33 cents and the scrappers were totally pissed off. Joe, the man at the weigh station, said something like, “Hey guys, that’s just the price”. We were all eager to see what PD’s earnings would be!¹

Let's work!

Giddyap!

Heave Ho, Hz!

Heave Ho, Hz!

Hump that scrap, Ez!

Hump that scrap, Ez!

PD and his booty.

PD and his booty.

Probably not a baby.

Probably not a baby.

We got all of the scrap from Paul D’s car, and loaded it up onto a wheely-cart. Then we rolled it inside. When the big garage door opened, it was like the doors to the Kingdom of Oz opened or something! and then we walked inside with our scraps.

Wow, the place is nice!

Roomy!

Roomy!

PD rolled his scrap onto the floor-scale. Joe and Victor got weights on all the different metals: copper, red brass, lead, aluminum sheet and cans.

Saying goodbye.

Saying goodbye.

Meet Joe.

Meet Joe.

This is how much the scrap weighed!

This is how much the scrap weighed!

This is how much Hz weighs! JK!

This is how much Hz weighs! JK!

Meanwhile, some other fellas …

Real sweeties.

Real sweeties.

….were checking the valuable Hz!

Priceless!

Priceless!

JK, These dudes were all ultra-sweet!

Well, PD collected his receipt and brought it to the nice lady behind the bullet-proof glass. She gave him a code or a slip of some sort (please forgive us this lack of detail, there was just so much to see).

You take this blah blah to the machine, she said.

You take this blah blah to the machine, she said.

and blah blah blah cents!

and blah blah blah cents!

Htdgz on PD!

Htdgz on PD!

Obviously, we had worked up a real good appetite by this time! So we wasted no time getting to Uncle Franky’s!

Ez: super glamorous in Paul D's Scrapping Car!

Ez: super glamorous in Paul D's Scrapping Car!

Lt. Brn-n-Srv wasted no time with the antics. That guy is a laugh riot!

We can't help this man. He is not a hot dog.

We can't help that man. He is not a hot dog.

This place seemed totally supreme before we even went inside. Their door handle is a metal hot dog and Brn-n-Serve even tried to eat it! Outta sight!

What's gotten into Brn-n-Srv?

What's gotten into Brn-n-Srv?

Hot Dog Heaven! Not only does Uncle Frankie have a dog selection incredible enough to almost stump the doctors…

what should we get?

what should we get?

they were also playing the BEST song! The song that beckons summer! The song that makes you wish you could sing, makes you wish you could dance, makes you wish you could FLY!

All minds were blown, but we’re professionals and got back on the job. You should know that their pop is supplied from a local root beer brewery who’s name we forget. They have strawberry, orange, grape, pink lemonade and root beer, naturally! Ez got Grape and Hz got Strawberry.

Hz got strawberry.

Hz got strawberry.

Ez had to try Hz' yummy strawberry pop.

Ez had to try Hz' yummy strawberry pop.

So then Hz tried Ez' grape pop. Equally awes!

So then Hz tried Ez' grape pop. Equally awes!

This man was helpful and totally nice:

and he gave us refills!

and he gave us refills!

This man made up the dogs and was totally nice:

He made them

He made them!

Quite an operation:

Art and science.

Art and science.

When our food came, we could hardly believe what a great big feast it was! We thought the table would break under all the weight. For REAL!

a bountiful dog-feast

a bountiful dog-feast

And then when we started eating all of that delicious food, it was MAD DELICIOUS!

Ez gets bizzy!

Ez gets bizzy!

Hz gets at it!

Hz gets at it!

Paul D, doing it doggy-style!

Paul D, doing it doggy-style!

Brn-N-Srv hits that- WAIT, Brn-n-Srv, are you BLEEDING?!!

Brn-N-Srv hits that- WAIT, Brn-n-Srv, are you BLEEDING?!!

HA HA HA! Brn-n-Srv was goofing with the ketchup, Classic! Course, we were all totally rolling and all of the other diners probably were really enjoying us, too!

But then it got a little out of hand when he started dripping on his new-fancy-phone-camera-computer!

Gross!! Can't have nothing nice!

Yuck!! Can't have nothing nice!

That mighta been when we started to attract the attention of owner, Larry.

Larry

Larry

As Brn-n-Srv wiped up a little, Ez remembered out loud about those ten long years she put herself through hot dog learning being a waitress. She told of refillling ketchup bottles and how easy it is to drip and spill and then if you do, you can wash your hands and dab at your shirt with a wet soapy paper towel all shift long, but you will NEVER get rid of that vinegary ketchup smell! Gross me out the DOOR!

Brn-n-Srv smelling his stash.

Brn-n-Srv smelling his stache.

PD mentioned that the bathrooms at Uncle Frankie’s are pleasingly clean. Maybe Brn-n-Srv went in to clean up, and maybe it was Brn-n-Srv, dripping ketchup, that attracted Larry’s notice, but he sure wanted to know why a couple of doctors were snapping photos of his bathrooms!

Clean bathrooms at Uncle Franky's.

Clean bathrooms at Uncle Franky's.

We explained that we LOVE hot dogs! Told Larry we eat hot dogs and talk about it and write about it and take pictures of it and invite our friends because we LOVE hot dogs! Then Larry wanted to help us! He told us of his 2 other locations: Dinkytown and Plymouth. Said if we went to the Dinkytown store we would find his brother and his cousin was at the Plymouth satellite. Then he pointed out the terrific art on the wall made by Wesley Willis!

Wesley Willis is totally supreme!

Wesley Willis is totally supreme!

We were all SO FULL, so we were planing to walk off our dogs along the river. As we were leaving Larry gave us some more location suggestions. That guy is really something! SUPER helpful!

ez-larry-hz

We don't know if Larry has an uncle named Franky.

Totally great day! Brn-n-Srv was going to lead the way in that borrowed All Wheel Drive Subaru. We all took off down Broadway, but Brn-n-Srv was OFF, hot and fast! PD and Ez were in the dust and a little worried!


But we heard from him later in the day, when he called from the Loon to announce that he was eating a Cheddarwurst. Safe and sound! (whew!)

Footnotes
1. Upon reviewing his receipt, PD noticed that Old Sheet Aluminum pulled just 16 cents a pound, lousy! This is a recent history low! Sorry PD, that totally blows!

Can it be?!!

Can it be?!!

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March 31, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Getting Lost or stuck somewhere, Hot Dog Dining, Lt. Brn-N-Srv, Music and Shows, Paul D, Poverty. 1 comment.

This Really Happened Friday Night, But Then We Had To Sleep All Day.

Ever since that night at Chris and Rob’s Hz and Ez have been TOTALLY FREAKING OUT and making plans for future hot dog times and places (oh, and our list is loooong). Our next stop was scheduled to be the Are You Local? SXSW send-off at First Avenue because Hz spotted a tiny hot dog on the flyer. We got the Hot Dog Street Force involved and excited, but Friday night was so totally outta sight that we have to tell!

So, we went to a bunch of parties with Lz, Nz, Paul D and Johnnycakes, who requests that we refer to him from now on as Lt. Brown ‘n Serve.

Lt. Brown-n-Serve, formerly known as Johnnycakes

Lt. Brown-n-Serve, formerly known as Johnnycakes

Anyway, it was all super-fun. We went to an opening a Spot Art where there were these great pieces made up of those strips from letter punching guns and everybody got to try it, too!

Hz, fastest gun in NE

Hz, fastest gun in NE

That Is Jive

That Is Jive

Also there was a really sweet dog (not a hot dog, a real dog) at this party and a cool band. And Hz was so stoked because she saw her tenant, Hot Joel there. Cuz he lives right upstairs from her, but she still never sees him. Totally weird! And then it was time to go to Now or Never.

This party was extra-choice! There was a bonfire and huge tube encasing Lt. Brn-n-Srv that was kinda telling of the night to come!

Lt. Brn-n-Srv is totally tubular!

Lt. Brn-n-Srv is totally tubular!

Everybody was dancing and this was the first time in the night that Hz channeled Miss Prissy to show us all some fine krump!

Here’s the second time Miss Prissy graced us:

So now it’s like 2 in the morning and we take Lz and Nz home. Ez, Hz and Brn-n-Srv are totally hungry when we pass the SA on Lyndale avenue and 22nd street. Brn-n-Srv got nostalgic about the time he lived next door to this Super America and he could walk on over for dogs ALL THE TIME! We were kinda tired but Brn-n-Srv told us of his total hot dog commitment. Like, let’s say Brn-n-Srv wasn’t allowed to sleep for like 8 days, and then finally he got to, and he had just fallen asleep and you were to wake him up to ask if he wanted a hot dog, you know what he’d say? You know what he’d say! He’d say YES! Of course! So, that’s IT, we’re going in.

You should have seen the traffic in that SA! It seemed like the perfect time for a hot dog because the fast turn over would guarantee freshness, right? KIND OF! Now, it makes sense that when there is a run on hot dogs it’s hard to keep a bun warmer stocked, so we were a little worried as we started building up our dogs.

Not the best start.

Not the best start.

But we chose to believe!

Brn-n-Srv + Hz + Dz

Brn-n-Srv + Hz + Dz

Ez selects her Dg

Ez selects her Dg

They have a pretty nice selection of self-serve toppings at SA. You got all your expecteds: your ketchup and mustard, onions, pickle relish, but then there is a two-sided dispenser-robot, half for chili and the other half for cheese!

Hey Hz! Mustard like you mean it!

Hey Hz! Mustard like you mean it!

We were working the dog station with another enthusiast and he was awesome! You know, he’d done this before and wanted to help. We couldn’t tell if the relish was made from dill or sweet pickles so we just asked him! He said “it’s whatever you want it to be,” which we found super inspiring. Ez hoped hard that it would be dill. Our man continued to coach us on our cheese and chili dispense. Coach said, “Hold the button down!”.

Please respect his privacy.

Please respect his privacy.

Hold that cz button down!

Hold that cz button down!

Coach was really serious about this! He said, “Just hold it! Hold it and it will drop, drop, drop!” We all tried. Brn-n-Srv went first, then Ez, then Hz and it seemed like each one of us was worse at it than the last! Hz got NOT ONE DROP! Coach was getting a little disgusted with us, and just wanted us to clear out of his way. But guess what – IT WAS TOTALLY EMPTY! We already said it was busy in there. Dear Coach had been advising us while we took the last of the supplies, just drained it dry. That guy was really supreme!

Check this yellow work:

Oh, Behold!

Oh, Behold!

So we roll out with our custom dogs. Ez only lives about less than a mile away and she’s got exactly 3 beers in-house, right? We really wanted to save up and do right by our creations, not just take them down in the car. So they sit on our laps and we wait…

Wow, this anticipation HURTS! Hz is driving, so for a minute Brn-n-Srv and Ez are tied for it’s the hardest. Then Brn-n-Srv describes his pain for us a little. He said, for him it’s like he was holding Loni Anderson‘s lush and full bosom in his hands but is not allowed a kiss. He might have been more descriptive than that (he really was), but the point is that these were difficult minutes.

Brn-n-Srv = HtDg inspctr

Brn-n-Srv = HtDg inspctr

At last, we make it to Ez’, AT LAST! The dogs lost a little of their luster en route so we warmed them in the microwave just a little, not too much.

Brn-n-Srv shows that htdg who's boss!

Brn-n-Srv shows that htdg who's boss!

And it’s ON!

Ez self portrait- First Bite.

Ez self portrait- First Bite.

Picture of Hz self portrait- First Bite.

Picture of Hz self portrait- First Bite.

Brn-n-Srv first bite

Brn-n-Srv first bite

Well, there might be someone more optimistic than your Hot Dog Doctors, but there really might not be. Having said that, even doctors can doubt, and the complete deliciousness of these dogs felt like a present, BIG TIME! So we thank you for this consultation and we strongly recommend taking the SA hot dog bar, as often as needed, for any reason!

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March 15, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Drunkenness, Hot Dog Dining, Lt. Brn-N-Srv, Music and Shows. 15 comments.