Hz eats alone
Sometimes, like especially when Ez is off jet-setting, a hot dog doctor must bravely stride into the uncharted territory of the solo mission. It’s no big deal, really, except it can be boring. Hz found herself in this situation last Thursday, when she had some time to kill and had a belly void of hotdogs, and Ez was not around. So she went to the NE Bulldog and grabbed a table in the corner, read The Onion, and avoided eye-contact with the other patrons. She’s not shy when she’s with Ez, but sometimes when she’s alone, she kinda is! The solution: alcohol. Hz ordered a fancy European beer the second the waitress came over. The waitress was like, “Hi.” and Hz goes, “Give me a beer. I am afraid.”
kind of bored
Dr. Scholls is for suckers
Titanic! Ha ha! That was a dumb movie.
Hz took pictures of herself to try to be not bored. It only helped for a second.
Hz bored feet.
Bored! Sooo bored!
Oh, my god! Dying of boredom!
But then Hz read the menu, and her outlook improved! She found a WHOLE SECTION of hot dogs, which is rather to-be-expected-ey, since this bar is called the BullDOG. And the last half of that word is DOG, and the last half of the word hotdog is DOG too. So Hz wasn’t dying of shock or anything…
Dogs for Sale!
Hz ordered a Venezulan (sic) dog, and things REALLY looked up. Everything else on the menu she had tried before, because it was like chili dogs and chicago styles and stuff, but this Venezulan (sic) dog really looked like it was gonna be something else! It had onions, cabbage, mustard, ketchup, mayo and -check it- CRUSHED POTATO CHIPS. Holla!
When no one else will love you, food will.
And hey! America’s Funniest Home Videos was on the television, which is maybe the best tv show ever made. It’s not even really made by TV people, it’s made by Americans.
AFHV. Haha! That show is hilarious!
Speaking of being American, while Hz was at the Bulldog working on the Hot Dog Blog, “Kids in America” came on the radio. That song is so rad.
And the dog went down fast. Hz didn’t have anyone to talk to, so she only used her mouth for eating.
First bite.
Second bite!
Gone in two bites!
So then Hz had to wash that dog down with some more beers. The beer at the Bulldog tastes super good! And remember, there were crushed potato chips on that hot dog, so things were getting salty in Hz’ mouth. She had to pound beers, she had no other recourse!
Dg wash!
That’s when things really started picking up. And simultaneously going downhill, in a way…
more beers
Getting silly and blurry!
Hz made friends with the waitress! And by that, we mean Hz asked if they could take a picture together, and the nice waitress said yes.
Making friends!
After she got done eating, and drinking 14 beers, she inquired with her new friend about the cupcake sitch. She was stoked that they had some Red Velvet cupcakes with raspberry filling inside. She was like, “All take wunna those cubgags!”
Hz got dessert!
When it was time to go, Hz was REALLY blurry and drunky. So she had a little wander around Northeast Minneapolis! Just to check things out!
Oopsies, a little tipsy!
Hz has a little rest.
Back up and at 'em!
In the Surdyk’s parking lot, Hz tried to make another friend. But he wasn’t having it. Aaaawkward!
Hey, you! Let's be friends!
Finally, Hz wandered up to Super America, but not the same Super America that she and Ez went to with Lt. Brn-N-Srv in mission two. When she got there, she thought it may be a great idea to see if there were any treasures in the dumpster!
Anything good?
Hey, what's that?
Hz found a Lamborghini poster! Framed! What? That’s incredible!
Holy crap. Really?
And it was the end to a perfect day.
Htdgs + dmpstr dvg = pleasure!
Lessons Learned:
- Sometimes it’s super fun to eat a hot dog by yourself, but you have to have a good attitude about it.
- Potato chips on hot dogs are incredibly good.
- If you’re feeling grumpy, have a cupcake!
- If you need a Lamborghini poster, check in the dumpster.
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