Through the Port Hole

Lately it’s become clear that Ez has been leaning too heavily on her colleague to research and publish: Major responsibilities for any scientific endeavor. Course, Hz remains as cheerful and supportive as always, but after Hz ate alone, Ez really took a hard look and realized she had been eating without documenting and simply was not the medium-functioning what-have-you of prouder days. She began to search for the cause. Please accept the following, perhaps sketch, account as one explanation, though no excuse.

Oh Her God! It was time again for Rock the Garden and Ez had very few fragmented and fond memories of the event from the summer before. This year Solid Gold was playing and the MDz have made their love embarrassingly plain in past posts and unanswered emails. But because Hz loves her family, she couldn’t attend this year- went to some kinda wedding or something instead and Ez had to mix that sorrow with her spazzing excitement. Ez did have the awesomest street force, so things were shaping up fine. Kt, Nz, Lz and newest recruit to the force, Kathryn showed up at Ez’ and out they went.

ohwowohwowohwow

ohwowohwowohwow

We Know! And there were attractives EVERYWHERE!

There were so many people, Ez couldn't even find her boyfriend!

There were so many people, Ez couldn't even find her boyfriend!

And you guessed it, HTDGZ! And guess what else, SO MUCH BEER!

Only the beginning!

Only the beginning!

There were no standard htdgz in this garden, but there was no intimidating this street force!

That's a bg dg!

That's a bg dg!

Ez and Nz dig in!

Ez and Nz dig in!

Nz and Lz eat dgz.

Nz and Lz eat dgz.

Like we said, Kathryn was new and she offered a fresh perspective: the crndg!

Kathryn, what IS that?

Kathryn, what IS that?

We ate and drank a little. Everything made sense for a good long while, but from Solid Gold to The Decemberists, things can get blurry, people can become confused.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Hi, you guys!

Hi, you guys!

PD was there, too!

PD was there, too!

When things get funny like that, you keep on- it’s not that deep, you just get that crndg! Ez did get that mammoth crndg and with profesh zeal she endeavored to capture this magnificent specimen for the blg.

My, you're pretty.

My, you're pretty.

See how this Rock the Garden dog was so huge? Ez couldn’t get the whole thing in the shot!

Ez asked Kt to hold it for a photo.

Ez asked Kt to hold it for a photo.

But then Ez wanted to be in the picture with the bgcrndg!

Nevermind that sleeve mustard.

Nevermind that sleeve mustard.

And then it seemed genius to get some shots of the crndg with Ez AND Kt. Ez insisted! And Kt was super sport!

See? Genius!

See? Genius!

Again!

Kt, what's the prob?

Kt, what's the prob?

Meanwhile…Kt was hearing the comments of some boys standing near. Seems these boys saw something beyond foodstuff in that long crndg. The reader may assume by now that Ez was hearing nothing.

C'mon Kt, would it KILL you to smile?

C'mon Kt, would it KILL you to smile?

Since something was obvs up with Kt and we just could not get a pleasing shot, Ez asked Nz to step in!

Nz, happy to oblige

Nz, happy to oblige

The camera loves Nz!

No big whoop!

No big whoop!

Not a sec too soon, the Decemberists broke through Ez’ haze with a supreme Heart cover and she eased off the photo shoot tyranny. Geeze, it was good! And man, it was finally summer! And wow, we’d been in that big art-beer garden a long time! So, when a stranger approached our party and offered to take us through a “port hole” to a hidden and beautiful portion of our city, we said yes, please show us this port hole!

So, that's a port hole...

So, that's a port hole...

Nz! Are you going through?!

Nz! Are you going through?!

Ez going through the change

Ez going through the change

it's...so...beautiful..

it's...so...beautiful..

It really was uncommon on the other side! It was loud and bright with dark corners, plush benches, sparkles, potions and powders! There were very large drinking glasses and very tiny spoons. There were eighteen-year-old smiley boys on bikes wearing dress shoes and exchanging meaningful looking hand signals. Goodness, they were friendly!

But maybe we stayed too long…

New friends!

New friends!

And this is where the memories end. Ez knows that since that momentous night she has been shirking her duties. Until now she’d been unable to describe the world beyond that p-hole, even. Was something shook loose? Maybe. Is she back to normal? Maybe. Will she try harder? Maybe.

Through the port hole! Fan us on Facebook.

Through the port hole! Fan us on Facebook.

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July 5, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Drunkenness, Getting Lost or stuck somewhere, Hot Dog Dining, Kt, Lz, Music and Shows, Nz, Paul D, Solid Gold. 2 comments.

Blogeth Beginneth

Hz and Ez eat Htdz.

Our first mission as the Hot Dog Doctors was so totally auspicious!

We were going to go to the Gopher Bar in Saint Paul, and we had to drive around a little bit, but then we found it and pulled the car over to the curb and Hz opened the door and there, frozen in the snowbank, was a LUCKY PENNY. And it was heads up, yo. We still have it and are going to frame it as our first income.

Lucky penny!

Lucky penny!

But sadly, the Gopher Bar was closed, and we’re not sure why. There were no hours posted, but it said on a sign that there were hot dogs in there DAILY. This is very worrying. We’ve checked online, and it seems like it’s still open for business, but this doesn’t seem like the kind of establishment that would maintain a very fastidious online presence, so who knows?

The goddamn Gopher Bar was closed.

The goddamn Gopher Bar was closed.

So after a serious freak out, we put our heads together and set out for another hot dog joint on our list: Chris and Rob’s in Saint Paul on West 7th.

Chris & Rob’s: Chicago’s Taste Authority

So: this place was totally cute. It’s made out of a railroad car! We died.

Chris and Rob's. Totally cute!

Chris and Rob's. Totally cute!

We ordered one Chicago-style apiece, and then Ez also got a Spicy Polish and Hz got a Chili dog, and we split some cheese fries and we both got beers too. Hz got Summit, and Ez got beer that was described as “like Summit, only from Chicago.” (or it might have been from Canada. We don’t remember. They’re almost the same anyway.)

One of the first things we discussed was how we know two people who have t-shirts that say, “Doctor Hot Dog” on it. We, as self-proclaimed hot dog doctors, find this totally premium. Our friend Deanna has one, and Dirty Preston has one. These t-shirts make us swoon with desire.

Ez is going like, "Yeah. Deanna has a Doctor Hot Dog t-shirt. For real."

Ez is going like, "Yeah. Deanna has a Dr Hot Dog t-shirt. For real."

If we find these Doctor Hot Dog t-shirts, we’re going to buy them for sure.

So that’s when the other totally auspicious thing happened: The song “I’m Burning for You” by Blue Öyster Cult came on the radio!

Now, the story behind our love for this song is that at the apex of our Valentine’s Day this year — and let me tell you that the hours leading up to this were chock-full of excitement and splendor, too — we were on a houseboat with our best friends Lz, Nz, Jz, Paul D and Johnnycakes, getting hammered on some absurdly alcoholic Icelandic booze, eating cookie cake, and playing “Burnin’ for You” over and over about 100 times, sometimes substituting all the lyrics with one of our names for the entire song. Eventually, we got in trouble with the neighbors, but it was incredibly fun. So hearing this song during our first mission felt like a very good omen.

Then the food came.

Ht Dz + Cz Frz

Ht Dz + Cz Frz

So then Hz told Ez about how she and Johnnycakes got locked into the stairwell of her house this weekend and Our Hero Troy had to come rescue them at 1 am: see, Hz grabbed the wrong set of keys on her way out, and pulled the door to her apartment shut and locked, but the door between the entryway and the outside needs a key, too. So Hz and Johnnycakes were stuck in the entryway of her house. Luckily there is an extra set of keys hidden in at Our Hero Troy’s house, so Hz called him. He was at First Avenue dancing with his hot girlfriend, but was happy to take a taxi from there to home, and from home to Hz’ home, and from Hz’ home back to First Avenue to spring them out.

This evoked fond memories about other times Our Hero Troy was a major hero. Like when we got hammered at his house, then he let us all sleep over, then he made us breakfast, then he gave Rupert a pair of sunglasses, then he rode bikes with everyone to make sure they got home okay. He’s a great guy to the max.

Then we started eating the sport peppers whole.

Hz eats a sport pepper

Hz eats a sport pepper

Ez eats a sport pepper

Ez eats a sport pepper

Talk then turned to Daylight Savings Time. Ez told Hz how when she was a waitress for ten years she was late for work every day (every single day!) except for once a year she would accidentally turn up a half-hour early for her shift when she forgot to set her clock back at the end of Daylight Savings time in the fall. When she’d arrive, one of the cooks would always say, “Even a dog gets lucky once a year!” Totally ouch.

Ez man-handles the Spicy Polish at Chris and Rob's

Ez has her way with a Spicy Polish at Chris and Rob's.

Hz manhandles a Chicago-Style at Chris and Rob's

Hz manhandles a Chicago-Style at Chris and Rob's

The whole time we were eating, Hz was blowing up on facebook. She has a sweet FB application on her phone, so she knows when she’s blowing up the second it happens, and it was happening a lot during the Chris and Rob’s mission. Hz’ friend Ali, who works for the Current, was particularly supportive and hilarious in regards to a pre-launch facebook announcement about the Hot Dog Blog, so Ez and Hz joked about scoring a Current sponsorship, which could possibly entail plastic signage that they could tape to the wall by their table during future missions.

They started to close up when we were leaving, which made us feel sort of badass.

Time for the HD Dz to GTFO.

Time for the HtDg MDz to GTFO.

Hot Dog Round Up: Chris & Rob’s in Saint Paul

Ez liked the Polish with everything on it better than the Chicago style, but said that they were both super good.

Hz liked the Chicago style slightly better than the Chili dog, but it was verrry close. The chili even had beans in it, and usually it doesn’t when it’s chili used on hot dogs, right?

Cheese fries: total yum. The cheese wasn’t the shredded and melted kind, but rather the kind that comes in a bag.

Beers: awes.

Atmosphere: charming and railroad car-ey

Service: great. the dudes who were working asked us if everything was okay about 100 times, and it always was.

Overall score: like, a million

Chris and Rob’s Chicago Taste Authority

Minneapolis:
(612) 729-5507
3101 E 42nd St
Minneapolis, MN 55406

Fridley:
(763) 571-0288
7429 East River Rd
Fridley, MN 55432

Saint Paul:
(651) 228-9347
603 West 7th Street
Saint Paul, MN 55402

Find us on Facebook! Totally premium!

Find us on Facebook! Totally premium!

March 10, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Getting Lost or stuck somewhere, Hot Dog Dining. 9 comments.